"I will not fight events."- Anais Nin
For some utterly bizaare reason, I found myself laughing like a hyena for a full 30 minutes this afternoon. I was laughing so hard that I found it difficult to breathe for a few minutes. Afterwards, my sides ached and I had to take a quick trip to the bathroom. (teehee)
I seriously cannot remember the last time I laughed that hard.
There was no specific cause really. I didn't see a particularly hilarious picture nor did I read a laughable anecdote. I was just suddenly struck (really, this is the most appropriate word I can think of) by the banality and the ridiculousness of everything that's been happening to me. Everything suddenly seemed dastardly funny.
I guess this is a part of my current personality series. I believe that I grow older only during select seasons. Lately, I've noticed that I have (again) been stumbling over variations of coquetry, new clothing lines, new lives. Finally, the season has come to shed skin.
This is not to say that I'll not come back howling at certain issues ever again. I'm just saying that I will try to remember to take things in stride, to remember that I've always had and will always have options. I have to remind myself that inspite of everything that has happened (and maybe is still happening), I still know myself better than anybody and I have not been raised to be mournful and childish. It's good to know that after all the bullshit, my sense of the ridiculous is still intact.
It's amazing how the things that I found hilarious as a sarcastic 16 year old are still the same things that I cringe at now.
I admit that for a time, I did want to fall into a certain role. I tried to emulate, to change (eeps), to drastically morph into someone who I never really had the stomach to be.
I am happy to announce that I am officially stopping today. I have always been happy about myself and I will never change for anyone. Not even for my own sake.
I just finished apologizing to my officemates for the unnecessary ruckus I caused. I really was penitent. After all, not everybody gets lucky enough to be freed in a day.
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