Candles in April

In the past years that I have lived without the both of you, I have never seen you together in any of my dreams.

Two nights ago, I did. I do not know what it is you are trying to tell me, if you're trying to tell me anything at all. If your appearances are warnings about some great catastrophic event or just another friendly visit. If it was a friendly visit, why do I feel so saddened and bothered seeing your faces?

Ma, it's your first year tomorrow. My life ( if you would have the heart to call it that) has been no different from the way it was when you were here. I am still disorganized. Still strangely curious about everything around me. Still adamant. May be troubled and lost at times. But i am learning to deal and fight with this void you have unintentionally carved into my life. Please be reassured that I am fine with taking care of Anthony. Do not worry about me.

I am still and will always be yours and Papa's insolent soldier.

It's time that we inserted some semblance of tradition in our lives (deaths?) so I will continue to read yours and Papa's favorite Rilke poem during both your birthdays, death anniversaries, etc.
I hope you still like it. Maybe where you are, there are poems that are more fanciful and romantic (just the way you like them). Or more stalwart and sensible ( Papa's preference).:

Again and Again However We Know The Landscape of Love

Again and again, however we know the landscape of love

and the little churchyard there,
with its sorrowing names, and the frighteningly silent abyss

into which the others fall:
again and again the two of us walk out together under the ancient trees,
lie down again and again among the flowers, face to face with the sky.